Breakfast was a little weird this morning. Things tasted a little different. I had 2 eggs, breakfast sausage, wilted spinach with avocado, a smoothie and some homemade lemonade. It all tasted just the slightest bit unappealing to me. I got it all down anyway and washed it down with the organic fruit smoothie.
My husband and my own personal researcher emailed me a bunch of links with information on homebirth. Several were listings for midwives and a few links for recommended reading, but my favorite is this forum where women tell what they would have done differently the next time they were to have a homebirth. I have read 6 pages and am still going. It's truly fascinating. I even started making a list of these tips and suggestions. Some of the advice sounds like a foreign language to me but I am putting it on the list anyway.
Before I knew I was pregnant, my husband and I watched the Business of Being Born (Netflix has it), a documentary about the differences between labor in a hospital and having a homebirth. It didn't take more than a few minutes of this movie to convince me of which I wanted to do.
After reading through the pages of the forum, it did bring up some realistic concerns:
1. Our lease is up in January (I am supposedly due in March) and I don't know where we will be living at that time. Hopefully we will move on to something better. This makes it hard for me to start planning the homebirth setup. I really like to plan. I rarely get all or even half of my plans executed, but the process is what I like.
2. Oh god the perineum- The possibility of tearing sounds way more painful than anything. This is probably now my biggest fear. The aftercare of that whole area gives me a little more of an idea what really goes on. Women are talking about needing to wear frozen tea-soaked maxi-pads post delivery. It doesn't change my mind, but it makes me think about how little I will be able to do in the weeks afterward.
3. Family time with the new baby- I like the suggestions to have visiting hours. This will be the first grandchild for my parents and I can't help to want to include them as much as possible. My husband says it's just going to be me and him and the midwife. After reading about all the things I will need before, during and after the process, I think that I would want my sister there (if she wants to). She will be becoming an aunt and I think it would be special for her to help with the baby. Plus, she and I have become so much closer over the past couple of years that I can't think of anyone else who will understand what I need or be more helpful (besides my husband). I really want him to be able to be more of the process and not have to worry about running around frantically trying to do everything.
The grandparents and grandparents-to-be may have to keep it short the first day to let the 2 of us rest. I like the sign one midwife made for her patient's door: "At homebirths we mother the mother. Please do something helpful/useful while you are here. Sweep the floor, quietly do the dishes, wash a load of laundry, or take out the trash. But most importantly, limit your stay to 15 minutes."
15 minutes is a little stiff, but I like the idea.
In a search for crossfitters having homebirths I came across a blog with this description in her birthing process: "It was horrible. It was like riding an electrical storm naked and cold and inside out. It was like internal rope burns. It was never ending. I was in that moment for eternity, going through the worst pain I’ve ever felt. Being out of control. Being very inside my body that was being ripped apart. I intoned throughout the whole thing, sucking in air, and intoning again. Riding it out. Higher pitched when it got worse and lower when I felt in control. I was on top of it, beneath it, inside it. Gasping for breath. Knowing what I needed to do and feeling unable to do it. But doing it."
Allllllrighty then. She hadn't even given birth at this point... this was just a contraction.
I haven't found anything about how doing crossfit can prepare you for a better homebirth. I will let my husband, the ultimate researcher, find me some things to read and get back to that.
Taco salad and lemonade is for lunch. I know it just looks like a bowl of meat, but there is diced cabbage and lettuce underneath it all with a drizzle of organic olive oil and ACV. My husband thinks it's funny that I'm on this taco kick, because as he recalls "You hate mexican food." It's a convenience thing on top of being able to eat with my hands like you would a normal taco, or a burger if there were primal buns.
I really had planned on going to the crossfit gym today, but this wave of exhaustion came over me. At one point my eyes were watering as I struggled to keep them open. I tried to take a nap but I couldn't stop thinking of other things to do. From noon til night, I was just dragging around.
I also feel extra bloated today. I have been bloated this whole time, but today's bloat makes me wonder if I'm further along than I thought, or if there's more than one of these things in there. I did kinda want twins, but decided that if I really enjoy this process, I may want to do it again. That's saying we only really planned on two kids total.
Dinner is wild mahi-mahi and some sort of veggies. Too tired to get into detail.