Babies Everywhere

I've given up on the fact that I may be pregnant and not know it. I feel a little ridiculous about it. Oh well..... whata'ya gonna do.
Since my last period, over the weekend of my friend's wedding, I decided I was going to get serious about working out and getting this body in great shape for whatever my future holds.
I have been doing CrossFit at my own gym, as in the gym that I am part owner of. One of the things I seem to experience is during a tough workout, I have the knowing that it is causing my period to happen when it is nowhere near due. So, about a week and a half after my last period, I was doing a tough workout and afterward I knew there would be some bleeding. UGH! How am I supposed to get pregnant if I can't even figure out when I am menstruating or ovulating or whatever! Well, needless to say, it was just some heavy blood that night and nothing the following days but minor spotting.
It is difficult to do this when I can't get the hang of my own body. At least the app I'm using tells me pretty accurately when to expect my next period and I'm due tomorrow. Sunday was definitely a little  pms depression and today a little bit of cramping symptoms that tell me I can expect tomorrow to come as planned.

Saturday we were out in the city and all I kept seeing was young pregnant women. There seems to be a plethora of young ladies that are not having any trouble procreating. They all look so beautiful and happy and dreamy to me. They get to shop for maternity clothes and walk around and have people admire their youth and glowing state. Envy much? Uh.... duh.

This is tough. Not just not knowing when it's gonna happen.... but not knowing what the hell my body is doing. I scheduled an appointment for a ob/gyn that a friend recommended. Couldn't get one until August 15th. Yeah, almost 2 months away. The best part of the whole thing is that she doesn't "do" pregnancies. Wtf does that even mean? Isn't that what an ob/gyn is for?

The other thing is avoiding the entire month of May as a due date. My husband says, you'll have a baby when you have a baby.... but I am not about to join the competition between Mother's day, my mother-in-law's birthday and the birthdays of both my sisters-in-law's kids. They all literally come within a week or two of eachother and I am not jumping in to that mess. So, I've decided that there will be no "trying" during the end of July through August. It would totally be my luck that it would work at that point.

Just a little confused...

I really don't know what is going on....
I could've sworn I was pregnant... but alas I had a most unenjoyable period over the weekend. Not just major cramps but serious bloating- like I don't care that there is this much blood because I have GOT to be about 3 months along at this size. I was at a beautiful wedding sitting cramped up and probably miserable looking in my chair instead of dancing and drinking because I didn't want to parade my ballooned body around without any baby to speak of.
I had to shop for a minimizing bra so that I didn't look as if I am breast-feeding... but honestly I still looked that way.
If it's this hard to dress myself and feel comfortable at 3 months fake-preggers, I will be so bummed when I actually am pregnant.
I think I may have to get myself into a walk-in clinic and get a real test. Boy, that will be fun when they laugh at me and send me home.
I'm just thinking that things are a little weird. My period was very watery for the most part and caused a ton of out-of-town leaking fun. Not just that but I am sick and was thinking THAT is a pregnancy symptom. On top of all of this, I feel like the period bloating has gone away in my arms and legs but my mid-section is as tubby as ever.
Why does this have to be so difficult.
Stupid pee-sticks are lying to me!
I don't even know what doctor to go to because I just moved here and I don't even have medical insurance.
UUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Ha. Some girl literally asked me today if I "nursed." She was sweet and probably a little embarrassed when I said I don't have kids. It is truly laughable. So, not only am I not pregnant, but my breasts look like they may have been used quite a bit and I have the body of someone who has clearly given birth a couple times.
Great.
To a medical professional I shall go. What can it hurt but my wallet?

Whatever happens, I remind myself not to "disappoint" myself from whatever appointment I am already supposed to have.