Just a little confused...

I really don't know what is going on....
I could've sworn I was pregnant... but alas I had a most unenjoyable period over the weekend. Not just major cramps but serious bloating- like I don't care that there is this much blood because I have GOT to be about 3 months along at this size. I was at a beautiful wedding sitting cramped up and probably miserable looking in my chair instead of dancing and drinking because I didn't want to parade my ballooned body around without any baby to speak of.
I had to shop for a minimizing bra so that I didn't look as if I am breast-feeding... but honestly I still looked that way.
If it's this hard to dress myself and feel comfortable at 3 months fake-preggers, I will be so bummed when I actually am pregnant.
I think I may have to get myself into a walk-in clinic and get a real test. Boy, that will be fun when they laugh at me and send me home.
I'm just thinking that things are a little weird. My period was very watery for the most part and caused a ton of out-of-town leaking fun. Not just that but I am sick and was thinking THAT is a pregnancy symptom. On top of all of this, I feel like the period bloating has gone away in my arms and legs but my mid-section is as tubby as ever.
Why does this have to be so difficult.
Stupid pee-sticks are lying to me!
I don't even know what doctor to go to because I just moved here and I don't even have medical insurance.
UUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Ha. Some girl literally asked me today if I "nursed." She was sweet and probably a little embarrassed when I said I don't have kids. It is truly laughable. So, not only am I not pregnant, but my breasts look like they may have been used quite a bit and I have the body of someone who has clearly given birth a couple times.
Great.
To a medical professional I shall go. What can it hurt but my wallet?

Whatever happens, I remind myself not to "disappoint" myself from whatever appointment I am already supposed to have.